Deep

Calvin Miller has penned these words which have caught my attention as of late:

'Deep' is not a place we visit in our search for God, it's what happens to us when we find Him."

It's amazing how sometimes just a few words can resonate so far into your soul that it's as if you had written them yourself. Yet that would take a lot of courage and a lot of discipline, neither of which I've been seeing a lot of lately. I find myself consistently disappointed with my spiritual discipline. I want so desperately to be at a place of perpetual communion with Christ, but I always end up distracted with another piece of the to-do list.

I find myself constantly searching for God in places where He is not, yet something in me seems determined to find Him there. Be it love, prosperity, favor with people or the refining of my own character, I return from each place empty handed. I feel so shallow in my pursuit of God - as if I'm only in it half-heartedly. Most days I think this is the truth. Yet when reading the words of Calvin Miller, I find grace. I'm getting what I don't deserve. I throw myself into piles of things that don't matter, searching for something to fill my lonely heart, but then turn around to find that Christ is pursuing me. If only I would have stopped running and come, in the words of the old hymn, "just as I am"...

I find hope in Miller's quote, for in it is the promise of finding God. There's the promise of a changed heart, made new by the touch of the One Miller calls "The Great Enabler". Sometimes I fear that change, because of what it will require of me. A changed heart requires diligence to maintain the change. It's costly to let God in, because you'll lose things that you owned, perhaps things you held close to your heart. Yet when you find God, it's at that place you'll realize that it's not about what you lost, but about what you gained by getting there.

"Deep reveals the reality of God." -CM