Single Staple Sort

Well I didn't think it was possible to have a project that would exile an individual in front of a copy machine for over 2 hours at once, but it's been confirmed -- it is possible. That's what my Wednesday afternoon consisted of - copies, copies and more copies - regular, legal - stapled, not stapled - sorted, grouped. After putting my organizational skills into full swing as I stacked, stapled, clipped, and labeled, I was ready to head out of here the minute the clock struck 5... only to find that now every time I enter my vehicle, I am filled with a sense of dread as my mind reels back to 7:58 Wednesday morning, when I was greeted not with a cup of coffee, but with the St. Paul law enforcement. For the first time in my short-lived driving career, I have earned myself a speeding ticket... going 50 in a 30 might I add.

And yes, in case you were wondering, I did pull the "I-just-moved-here-and-don't-know-what-the-speed-limit-is" -- which is true - but he didn't buy it. He did, though, give me his card along with my ticket, so in case I have a lonely Friday night or am becoming depressed because of my ever-growing list of bad wedding dates, I can give him a call.

So that, on top of accidentally exposing my entire roll of film in the photo lab the night before, leaves my mind to wander to a quote that I have posted near the window in my bedroom. I found it last summer and even laminated it at GMR (sweet new site, guys), keeping it in full view as I worked 8-4 days. A close friend of mine commented on it a few days ago, and it really made me consider my current circumstances from a different angle. Fred Arnot wrote "I am learning never to be disappointed, but to praise..." I sign many an email this way, and send many a greeting card in which these words grace the back. But when it comes living in the middle of the disappointing circumstances, do I really believe these words?

My heart wants to say yes. I want to believe that my life is lived in such a way that even the disappointments can be moments in which I realize that I always have things to praise my God for. My words to live by during my senior year of college were "Be teachable." And I was; I learned a lot.

But have I lost that? Sometimes I just want to slide by... to let things happen and not think about them and how they're affecting my character and my faith. But then where is my gratitude? Then where is my sense of teachability? Buried under my selfishness, drowning in my desire for control of my thoughts/feelings/actions/circumstances, that's where.

And honestly, sometimes it's easy. Sometimes I see the lesson right away and recognize God's hand at work and what He's trying to show me, as if "God's sovereignty" were written on that date in my personal planner. It's when I have to look for it, though -to seek out the reasoning and purpose for God's engineering in my life - that my faith often gets shaky. When that Divine Hand is no longer visible and I must trust that I will not sink when walking on water -- that's when the push comes to shove.

But isn't that the basis of our faith to begin with -- believing that God can and will hold us up when we step out of the boat?

Until I find another profound quote to post... think on this: how am I living to praise in all circumstances?